Leaving It All Behind
by lovethatleaves
Summary: AU. Haley always dreamed of the day she would get out of Tree Hill and move on to bigger things but a secret night shared with her best friend's half brother and enemy, Nathan, before she leaves for college complicates her life and future away from home.
1. Chapter 1

Leaving It All Behind

Today I'm graduating from high school, closing one chapter in my life and beginning another. It seems like I've been waiting for this day for so long, and now that it's finally here, I didn't really know what to think or how to feel. I spent my high school years studying constantly, making sure I had a GPA that would get me into a good college, get me out of Tree Hill. Even I don't truly understand my intense desire to be far away from Tree Hill. My life growing up here definitely wasn't horrible, but it was plain, simple, and I've yearned for more. There is only one thing that I'm terrified to leave, not my family or the familiarity of a town I've lived in my whole life, but Lucas. My best friend, my confidant, the only person on the planet I trust completely… and he's staying here. The thought of living a life away from him paralyzes me with fear.

As I stand in front of the plain, wooden mirror in my ordinary bedroom, staring at myself, I begin to cry. So many times I'd imagined this day, imagined the freedom I would feel, not once had I thought I would feel sad or scared... or alone. But I do. I'm scared to leave the one person that knows me and loves me anyway, and I'm terrified of going to a college miles and miles away and being all alone. I shake my head, trying to rid myself of such thoughts, when I hear I soft knock on my door. I turn to see Luke standing in my doorway and I only cry harder.

"Hales?" He's instantly by my side, like he always is, placing a comforting hand on my back. "I'm just… I-" I stop unable to form a coherent sentence, instead looking into his warm blue eyes sadly. I'm just _so_ sad, and I really have no idea what to do with that.

"Hey... what's going on? This is the day you've been waiting for, Hales." His voice is gentle and slightly confused, and I simply nod at his words. He's right, I know he is. I've been talking about this day for as long as I can remember.

"Yeah, I know. I'm just feeling kind of sad..." My voice trails off as my eyes fall on a picture on my desk of Lucas and me. We were probably about five years old, playing on the swings at the playground - the only playground in Tree Hill.

"You're kidding, right?" Lucas seems shocked by my sadness and slightly unbelieving, until he sees my brown eyes fill with unshed tears. "Haley, I don't get it. This is all you've ever wanted, all you've ever dreamed of. You deserve this, Hales. You don't belong at the Tree Hill Community College."

I smile at his words, knowing without question, he means them. I sigh softly, sitting on the edge of my bed. My eyes fall to the graduation gown I'm wearing, and a sick feeling washes over me once again.

"It's still what I want, I just…" I trail off yet again, still unsure of how to verbalize what I'm feeling right now before running my hands through my auburn hair in frustration. Lucas drops down on my bed beside me, and it feels so familiar - so safe - which only saddens me more.

"You just, what?" He asks softly, brushing a stray strand of hair behind my ear and away from my face. I lower my head in devastation and he looks at me kindly, waiting for my response.

"How am I going to leave you...?" My voice comes out a broken whisper, and as soon as the words leave my lips, I bring my hand over my mouth, the words feeling so wrong as they pass through my lips. Saying them aloud made them real, and it hurts - so much. I look over to meet Lucas' eyes, and notice the sadness lingering in his own blue eyes. He attempts to hide it from me, though, wanting to make me feel better - make me believe things would be okay, but I had already seen the look on his face, and it said everything. Things would change, nothing would ever be the same, and I felt my heart break just a little bit more.

"Come on, Hales. We'll always be best friends. We'll talk on the phone, visit..." But his words only leave me feeling even emptier than before. I know him, I've known him for the greater part of my life, and I know his words are meant not only to convince me, but himself as well. He doesn't really believe that things will ever be the same, either. This coming from Lucas, the most optimistic and person I'd ever known – the dreamer.

"Yeah… Yeah, I know." I don't have the courage to admit the truth aloud or to tell him that I can see through his façade, though surely he realizes that I have.

Deep down, inside my heart, in my gut, I know that if I don't pretend everything is going to be okay, I won't be able to get on a plane and leave him behind. So, instead, we just sit in silence, both of us pretending. And for the first time in my life, it isn't a comfortable silence… and that could very possibly be the most devastating realization of all.

I graduated later that day. I gave my Valedictorian speech, threw my hat into the air, and plastered a smile on my face as I greeted my family after the ceremony. A guy, Tim Smith, approached me to invite me to a "killer party," but without hesitation I politely turned him down, as I had done countless times throughout high school.

Lucas makes his way over to me with Karen by his side, and I attempt to smile genuinely at them both, but I know the smile doesn't reach my eyes... and Lucas knows it, too.

"Congratulations, Haley," Karen enthuses, and I nod politely before bringing her into a small hug. I would miss Karen, too, almost as much as I'll miss Lucas. She had always been there for me, without question. I'd cried to her about my parents always being gone, and she'd been there, telling me that I would never be alone. I'd believed her, but I didn't anymore. I would be without both of them when I left and they were the only people that really mattered to me at all. I feel my eyes begin to water for what seems like the millionth time today, and I know that I need to get out of here before I completely fall apart.

"Well, I should go. I'm sure my parents are wondering where I am." Yeah, right. They'd probably left the school already, back to ignoring my existence all together, or planning their next trip. Both Lucas and Karen look at me oddly, knowing the truth as well, but neither call me on it, so I simply turn and walk away.

I spend the rest of the day packing, thinking that if I can just get it over with, it'll be easier. Now, as I sit on my bed, looking at my bare room, I realize I couldn't have been more wrong. I'd cried the entire time, finding things I'd completely forgotten about, like the teddy bear Lucas had gotten me when I'd broken my arm playing and had to go to the hospital. He'd been the only one that knew I was terrified of hospitals, ever since my cousin had died in one when I was six.

I replayed the day's events in my head, suddenly thinking about the guy who had invited me to a party. I recognized him as Tim Smith, who I knew only as the guy who had grabbed my ass sophomore year in the lunch line. He definitely wasn't someone I would normally choose to be around, but sitting here completely miserable obviously wasn't getting me anywhere. So, I decided that maybe going to one party before everything thing about my life changed wasn't such a ridiculous idea. I would be leaving for UCLA in a few days and I'd never gone to a party in high school – not once – which seemed pretty pathetic even by my own standards.

As I drive toward the party, using the directions on the flyer Tim had given me - he apparently realized I wouldn't know where the party was – I struggle to read his nearly ineligible handwriting. My thoughts drift to Luke for a moment, and I contemplate calling and asking him to meet me there. I know he would only talk me out of going, though. He didn't trust "them." It just wasn't his scene and I knew it wasn't mine, either but what was so wrong with pretending it was just for one night? I couldn't explain the feeling, but there was something telling me to go, to lose myself in the loud music and drunken atmosphere.

I park my car and begin making my way to the enormous beach house, where most all of the big parties occurred. Tim swings open the door just as I'm about to enter and he looks understandably stunned to actually see me standing in front of him.

"Why, Haley James. I'm impressed." He was obviously drunk and I roll my eyes as he openly leers at me.

"The one and only," I reply casually as I push past him and enter the house. It was a gorgeous place, despite the beer bottles and trash scattered throughout it at the moment. I can practically feel Tim smirking from behind me. "Want a drink?" he slurs, and I contemplate the idea for a second before nodding my head 'yes,' surprising both Tim and myself.

"Oh, okay. I'll be back." And then he was gone in search of the keg, as I stood there uncomfortably, unsure of what I was supposed to do. I don't know what the hell I was thinking coming here. I don't know most of the drunken teens around me, and the ones I do know, I don't like. A feeling of panic washes over me and I begin making a mad dash for the door, but Tim's voice stops me in my tracks.

"Hey, where are you going?" I spin around to see Tim and none other than Nathan Scott standing in front of me, his patented smirk on his lips. Nathan Scott definitely fell under the category of people I knew, but didn't like. He was Lucas' half brother and a total ass. I snap my eyes away from Nathan's quickly, instead choosing to focus on Tim.

"Oh, I – nowhere. I wasn't going anywhere." I ramble, and I can see, or rather feel, Nathan staring at me, clearly amused by my presence. Before I can snap at him to stop staring at me, Tim holds out a cup of some sort of alcohol and I accept it with a small smile.

"Thanks." I reply simply, before taking a small sip, nearly gagging at how strong it is. I start to shift uncomfortably, as the three of us remain silent. I fully expect them to walk away, in search of a few skanks who would be willing to make their night complete, but they just continue to stand in front of me.

"Well-" Nathan finally speaks, breaking the silence. "If it isn't Miss Haley James. You know, Tim told me you were here, but I just had to see for myself," he smiles at me, and I assume that this is the "charm" all of the girls at school spoke of so often.

"Well, high school's over. I figured, what the hell, why not end it with a bang."  
I realize my bad choice of words too late, as a pleased smirk forms on Nathan's lips. He glances at Tim, and without another word Tim walks away, a silent understanding clearly passing between the two. Nathan brings his full attention back to me, leaning into my personal space before replying, "I would be happy to help you out with that."

I feel my cheeks begin to redden slightly at his words, and from the self-satisfied look on his face, I know that he fully expected that reaction. He expects me to blush and ramble and get all flustered, because that's what girls like Haley James do when Nathan Scott says things like that to them. I was far too stubborn to give him the satisfaction, though. So, instead I walk closer to him so that my lips are only inches from his. By the look in his eyes, I quickly realize that I'm playing with fire.

"Would you, really?" I whisper huskily, before backing away from him completely, and walking across the large room to the bar. I can feel Nathan's eyes on me and admit that it feels good.

I see Tim serving drinks at the bar, and slide onto a stool in front of him. I still think he's a jackass and a total hanger-on, but he hasn't really done anything to me – aside from the incident sophomore year - so I figure there isn't anything wrong with talking to him.

"Hey, there," I smile at him and he seems surprised to see me, but he recovers quickly, smiling back at me. "Where's Nathan?" He asks slightly confused, looking around me for him. "Who knows," I reply flippantly, shrugging my shoulders. "Do you have anything fruity? This stuff is just gross," I reply with a grimace, motioning to the cup of alcohol in my hand.

Tim chuckles before taking the cup from me and drinking it himself. "Sure thing. Give me a minute." I smile gratefully, searching through my purse as my cell phone starts ringing. I finally find it, putting it to my ear with one hand and covering my ear with the other.

"Hello?" I answer, much louder than usual, in an attempt to hear over the booming music. "Hales?" Luke's soothing voice comes through the line, already sounding a little worried. "Where are you? It sounds really loud." I sigh at the sound of his voice, my entire face falling as reality comes crashing over me once more. I'm leaving, he's staying, and life just sucked.

"Oh, I - it's just the TV. You know how deaf my Dad is." I offer lamely, but was grateful to hear Lucas chuckle on the other end. "Yeah, I definitely do. So, I was thinking maybe we could hang out?" He sounds so... hopeful, and the urge to cry builds within me more and more.

"Um, not tonight, Luke. I think I'm just going to hang around the house, pack and what not." And there it is. The first time I'd ever lied to him. I feel sick. "Oh… well, okay then. Tomorrow, maybe?" He just sounds so sad, so lost, as I'm sure I probably do to him and I just want to go to him and watch old movies like we always have. That would make me remember, though, and I only want to forget.

"Yeah, of course," I respond immediately, the tone of my voice sounding false to my own ears. There is a pause on the other end and my heart pounds in my chest, waiting for him to call me it but it never comes. Instead, he responds with a simple, nonetheless heartbreaking, "Okay, Hales. I love you." I feel involuntary tears form in my eyes and I blink rapidly, willing them away, before whispering, "Love you, too."

"Here you go!" Tim hands me a drink with a big grin, but it falters when he sees that I'm upset. I take the drink, mumbling a weak 'thanks,' before looking down again sadly. "Hey, are you - I mean… are you okay?" He almost seems embarrassed showing any sort of concern for me, and I can't help but smile.

"Yeah, I'm okay... thanks, though." We share a smile, and I glance away, seeing Nathan approaching us with what looks like a jealous look on his face. He sits beside me, but ignores me completely, as he openly glares at Tim. Tim backs away from me immediately, sending me one last smile before sauntering over to the other end of the bar.

Nathan nods in approval before turning back to me with a smirk. "Hello, again," he greets me, his voice husky and a cocky smile adorning his full lips. I smile at him politely, unable to be rude to anyone, not even him.

"Hi. So, this is your party, huh?" I roll my eyes at my lame attempt at small talk, but I just had to say something. The way Nathan's eyes were roaming over my body was quite unnerving. He chuckles at my words and simply nods, before grabbing my hand. "Come with me…"

Whoa, red light. I try to ask him where he's taking me, but when I feel his strong hands on my waist, I seem to forget my own name. Before I know it, we're in one of the many bedrooms of the beach house. He pushes me against the closed door, his body pressing against my own, and I look up at him slightly panicked.

His hand reaches out to brush against my cheek and I find myself leaning into his touch. Suddenly, he's all over me. His lips begin pressing hot open-mouthed kisses along my neck as his hand slides down my body, grasping my hip to pull me even closer to him. I don't know what's possessed me but all I know is that it feels good. It's the same feeling that came over me as I walked away from him earlier in the night.

I feel like I'm on fire and I don't want him to stop. I never want this feeling to go away, because then I'll be left with nothing but emptiness. I pull his head away from my neck and smash his lips to my own in a passionate kiss. His tongue plunges into my mouth almost instantly and I moan into his mouth.

"I want you," he whispers huskily into my ear, before running his tongue over my lobe and nipping at it playfully. I pull away from him abruptly, looking into his deep blue eyes, suddenly finding myself wondering exactly how many girls he's said that to. I discover just as quickly that I just don't care – not enough to stop him, stop this.

I pull him back to me and begin kissing him again as he guides my small leg around his waist, hoisting my body onto the door behind me. Our clothes are coming off at a rapid pace and I feel like I can't breathe. He walks over to the bed and drops me onto it, his body falling on top of mine before I am able to catch my breath.

"This is crazy…" I mumble softly, as he places frantic kisses along my bare stomach. He simply smiles at me when our eyes lock and I'm able to forget, if only for a moment.


	2. Chapter 2

I open my eyes slowly, squinting as the sun shining through the window practically blinds me

I open my eyes slowly, squinting as the sun shining through the window practically blinds me. Shifting slightly in the bed, I notice an arm slung loosely over my hip... and that is the exact moment it all hits me.

'It' being Nathan - me kissing Nathan, having sex with Nathan in this bed. My entire body tenses, my heart beating wildly in my chest as I begin to panic.

I start to slide out of the bed as quietly as possible - the last thing I want is to have to face him, to see the pleased smirk on his lips that I know without question will be there. I'm nearly off the bed when I feel Nathan's hand begin to subconsciously pull me back towards him. I close my eyes for a moment, trying to get myself together, before I begin sliding away from him again, this time successfully.

I nearly trip over my own feet as I stumble out of the bed, silently cursing myself for being such a klutz. I glance at the bed, hoping my clumsiness hadn't woken him and am pleased to see him still lying there, sleeping peacefully.

I immediately begin to throw my discarded clothes on frantically, desperate to get out of this room, to just leave this all behind. After I'm fully dressed, I start to tip toe towards the door, pausing for only a moment to look back at him one last time.

I freeze, my body going completely rigid, when I see that he's now watching me carefully, his eyes wide open and alert. My eyes go wide, my mouth falling open slightly as well. I'm sure that I must look like a complete fool, just standing there staring back at him. I open and close my mouth, trying to form words, desperate to say something, anything, to break the silence, but I come up empty. So, instead, I simply open the door and walk through it, never looking back.

After tripping over several of the passed out teenagers lying all over the floor of the beach house, I finally make it back to my car, breathing a deep sigh of relief for the first time since I'd woken up in Nathan's bed. I glance at myself in the rearview mirror of my car, inwardly cringing at my disheveled appearance. I run my hands through my hair quickly, pulling it into a tight ponytail, before I begin the drive back to my house.

I choose to climb through my bedroom window, rather than enter through the front door - though I'm not really sure why I'm even bothering. It's not as if I expected to find my parents waiting up for me like most parents would have been. Secretly, I wish they would have. So badly. I dream of them telling me that they'd been worried sick when I hadn't come home, and that they wouldn't tolerate such behavior... but as I glance into the kitchen to see them peacefully drinking coffee and reading the morning paper, I am met with the reality of my life. My eyes instantly fill with involuntary tears and I hate them for not caring.

The sound of my cell phone ringing brings me back to my room, searching for it a minute before finally finding it. I'm not at all surprised to hear Lucas' concerned voice on the other end.

"Hales, I called your cell a couple of times and you didn't answer. Is everything okay?" I fall onto my bed and close my eyes in an attempt to stop the tears rapidly building behind my lids from falling.

This is why Lucas is my best friend. He just... cares about me, worries about and loves me, something my parents never bothered to do, and I need that so much. Who would care about me when I was in Los Angeles, miles and miles away from Tree Hill? I'm still much too terrified to even really consider that.

"Sorry about that, I had it on silent." The lie passes through my lips with far too little effort for my taste. What exactly am I supposed to say, though? 'Oh, sorry, Luke. I was too busy losing my virginity to your ass of a half-brother.' Yeah... or not.

"Oh, it's okay, I was just a little worried, you always answer your cell." And he knows me like no one else. He knows about my girly obsession with Brad Pitt. He knows that I can only sleep in total darkness, and he also knows that I never take off the ring my grandmother gave me before she died. He just - he knows me. He always seemed to want to know all of those silly, unimportant things about me. That has always made me feel so wanted, content to have Lucas' love even if I didn't have my parents' but now I just feel empty.

"Yeah…" I just don't know what to say. There is nothing that I can say that will change anything, and I can't even find the energy to pretend anymore. Not even for him.

I am leaving in two days... and I had slept with his brother, who he despised and who despised him right back, last night. The thought alone causing a sick feeling to come over me. I try hard to stop myself from remembering how it felt... what it felt like when Nathan was touching me but I see it all anyway. I feel it all again anyway. It's all just so vivid in my mind; his hands touching me in places no one else ever had, his hot mouth on my own…

"Hales, you there?" Lucas' soothing, familiar voice suddenly rips me away from my dangerous thoughts. I clear my throat, shaking my head slightly in an attempt to get myself together.

"Yeah, sorry. I was just thinking..." I trail off, my voice sounding weak even to my own ears, again unsure of what I can say to him that won't be a total lie. A total betrayal.

"... about leaving?" Lucas questions softly, and I sigh, opening my eyes to stare at the bare wall of my bedroom. I hate this room so much now. It feels cold and impersonal, the walls no longer having posters scattered on them, my desk void of any pictures of Lucas and I. The sight only depresses me more.

"Actually I wasn't but now I am, thanks," I snap, rather harshly, regretting the words as soon as they pass between us. I close my eyes, wiping at the moisture that's gathered there, and roll over on my bed. "I'm sorry, Luke." I immediately apologize, knowing that I am wrong to take this, any of this, out on my best friend. I just feel so very lost and confused... suddenly unsure of everything in my life and all of the decisions I'd made.

"Hey, it's okay," he says, immediately letting me off the hook.

I wish he wouldn't.

"We should go see a movie or something, though, like old times," he suggests hopefully, as if he can already feel me pulling away from him before I even set foot on a plane to California... and he's right. We both know that this is how I choose to deal with things.

I am preparing myself for a life without Lucas before I even say goodbye. It's selfish of me, rationally I can recognize this, but it's who I am. It's who I've been forced to become. I'm hurting so much right now - even if some or most of it is self-inflicted - and I just want it to stop. I want to be able to breathe.

"Luke-" I begin to speak, but he interrupts me, his voice taking on a harsher tone than he's ever used with me before.

"Don't do this, Haley. I know you, just don't do this. You're pushing me away, and it's not fair." I know that I'm hurting him, but this is the only way that I know to let him go and escape relatively unscathed. It would hurt way too much to be around him, knowing that in two days I will have to say goodbye, and I had no idea how I was going to do that.

"Luke, I'm just - I'm so sorry..." I'm crying again, for what seems like the thousandth time in the past day alone. It seems all I do is cry, and all that I feel now is this sadness, this loss.

"Don't apologize to me. Just be my best friend ... be _Haley_." He's pleading with me now, and I just can't take my pain as well as his. I feel like I'm drowning, I just need to be able to breathe. If I could just get one good breath, maybe I'll be more prepared to deal with this, and handle this better - handle it in the way that I know Luke deserves.

Maybe...

"I can't ... I'm sorry," I whisper brokenly, hanging up on him. And now I am utterly alone. I look around my bedroom in a panic, searching desperately for something, anything to ease my pain or even distract me from it but there is nothing. So, I simply lay there on my bed crying, wishing over and over that everything would be okay, but knowing in my heart that it wouldn't. That it couldn't be.

After spending hours alone, so alone, crying, I couldn't take the silence any longer. So, I drove into town, unsure of where I was going, but knowing that anywhere was better than that empty room - I no longer see it as my bedroom, my safe haven - at my house. I'm walking toward a local bookstore when I notice Nathan Scott and Tim Smith walking toward me.

This is what I get for living in a small town. It is absolutely impossible to avoid anyone. Ever.

I consider simply turning and walking away, but then Nathan's eyes meet mine, a cocky smirk covers his lips, and I know that I'm not going to run. I refuse to cower away from him in fear, so I straighten my shoulders and hold my head high as he approaches me. I'm not sure exactly what to expect from him - whether he'll ignore me completely or attempt to humiliate me in public - but I am not scared of Nathan Scott.

"Haley James." My name almost sounds tainted once it passes through his lips, in the tone that it does, and I reluctantly slow down so that I am standing in front of him and Tim.

"Nathan Scott." I openly mock him, and I don't miss Tim's soft chuckle from his place beside Nathan, and neither does Nathan.

Nathan's head snaps toward Tim in warning, and Tim's laughter instantly dies in his throat. I roll my eyes at Tim's predictable reaction to Nathan's bullying, but can't help the smile that I send Tim's way. He returns it, which seems to infuriate Nathan.

"So, how did you like the party, did you end it with a bang?" Nathan is so clearly testing me right now, seeing just how far he can push me. I slit my eyes up at him, giving him a look of disgust.

"Actually, it was kind of a let down, definitely nothing to talk about." His blue eyes widen, almost to a comical extreme, at my words, and I send him a smirk of my own. He doesn't seem angered by my words, though, more so just intrigued by my confidence.

"Really? I thought it was pretty entertaining. You really didn't enjoy it? Not even just a little bit..." His voice is thick with lust, husky, and my breath catches slightly in my throat at his words. He's leaning toward me now, and I find myself subconsciously backing away from him.

He blows on my ear softly before whispering, "I know I enjoyed it." My body betrays me, and I feel myself shudder at the feel of his warm breath on my neck. He pulls away from me, a satisfied look on his face.

He knew he had gotten to me, and seems extremely pleased with himself. I take a deep, shuddering breathe, trying to calm my nerves, but my heart continues to hammer in my chest as he looks at me with pure lust in his mischievous eyes. For once, I have no clever come back, and I know that I just really need to get away from him. In that moment, I realize just how dangerous Nathan really is, and for the first time since graduation I'm glad that I am leaving. I would soon be miles and miles away from Nathan Scott.

"Like I said," I snark, trying to sound unaffected by his games. "It was nothing special." He lifts an eyebrow at my comment, and I cringe, holding my breath, just waiting for him to use my own words against me, as he always seems to do.

"Nothing special? But it was your first, I bet that's a big deal for a girl like you." My eyes flare with anger and my hands ball into fists at my sides at his double meaning. We both know that he isn't talking about my first party and my cheeks burn with both embarrassment and anger at the dig. I glance at Tim, possibly more embarrassed by his presence than by anything else that has transpired.

"A girl like me?" I repeat his words as angry tears prick at my eyes. I push them down, though, unwilling to shed even a single tear in front of him. "God, you are such a bastard."

I can hear his soft chuckle as I brush past him but I don't look back. I just continue walking away from him, disgusted by his attitude but mostly disgusted with myself, for ever letting him lay a hand on me.

The time to leave arrives much sooner than I expect, much sooner than I am ready for, but all the same, I am now sitting at the airport, dreading the moment that they call my flight. I stare at the book in my lap blankly, unable to calm down enough to actually read it.

I'm alone - my parents had said a quick goodbye at the house and that had been that. No tears, no words of wisdom, nothing. I didn't really expect anything more from them. It still hurts, though, and I want so badly to call Luke and beg him to come, but I know that he doesn't owe me a goodbye. He doesn't owe me a damn thing.

I had shut him out, even as he begged me not to, and I'd hurt him, and now I was going to have to leave without even seeing him. Silent tears cascade down my cheeks but I don't bother wiping them away.

I suddenly feel the seat beside me shift and I glance over to see Lucas sitting next to me, his hands shoved deep into the pockets of his faded jeans. I can't help the stunned gasp that escapes my lips at the sight of him. We sit there looking - well, I was gaping- at one another for several minutes before he simply shrugs his shoulders helplessly, a sad, bittersweet smile on his lips.

"How could I just not tell you goodbye...?" And I launch myself into his arms, crying harder than I've ever cried before. Relief washes over my entire body, and everything seems a little more bearable now that he's here with me. The thought of leaving without saying goodbye, knowing that during our last conversation I'd hurt him, more than ever before, was enough to break me.

"I'm so sorry, Luke! I don't - I can't - I'm just so sorry…" I whisper through my tears and he simply nods his head in understanding. He pulls away from me, wiping the tears off of my cheeks, before tucking a stray strand of my auburn hair behind my ear.

"You can do this, Hales. You're going to do this." His voice is strong and confident, and his words are exactly what I need to hear. I frantically nod my head a few times, trying to convince myself, even as fresh tears scatter over my face once more.

My flight is announced and I'm sure that my heart actually stops. It seems everything around me stops, and I look at Lucas with raw fear in my eyes. My mouth falls open, but I close it without saying anything.

"Oh God..." I gasp softly, as I see Lucas gathering my bags for me but I just can't seem to move - not even an inch. I feel like I'm paralyzed. Lucas seems to notice my completely rigid form then, still sitting in the cheap plastic chair, and grabs my hand, pulling my hesitant body to his own for one last hug.

As I walk to the gate, a man asks me for my ticket, and I think I may actually be sick. Lucas hands it to him for me. I look up at him slowly and our eyes meet. It's as if everything is moving in slow motion, and I know this is going to be the moment that changes my whole world.


	3. Chapter 3

The plane finally landed in California after what seemed like the longest hours of my life. I'd spent half of the flight crying in one of the tiny bathrooms, until a grumpy man had started banging on the locked door, forcing me to go back to my seat and face the world - face this new life I'd chosen. Though, in moments like these, I question why exactly I made some of those choices at all.

A cheery flight attendant, with a plastic smile and breast implants that I know Luke and I would ordinarily have a field day with, asked me if I needed anything. I snapped at her, requesting none so politely that I just be left alone. The bright smile never left her face as she nodded stiffly and began walking back down the aisle.

I resisted the strong urge to trip her as she passed my seat. Her cheerfulness was like a slap in the face, reminding me of how miserable I was. Bitch.

After a relatively uneventful cab ride, I found myself standing in front of the college that would be my home for at least the next four years. God, what a terrifying thought that was.

I hesitantly make my way into the dorms in search of my room. I'd made sure everything was settled and all of the details were worked out months before. I am, after all, Haley James, an organized control freak by nature. Some, I'm sure, would argue that I'm just a freak, period.

Finally finding the room number that matched what I had written down on a sheet of paper, I cringe slightly at the sound of music pouring through the closed door. This should be interesting.

"Hello?" I call out, glancing around the seemingly empty room with the exception of the loud music. I spot a lanky blonde sitting on the floor drawing elaborate shapes on the wall. "Can you – can you do that?" I gape in shock, the goody-goody in me shuddering inwardly at the sight.

She simply shrugs in response, before smiling up at me, reaching a long arm up to me in greeting. "Peyton Sawyer. You must be… Haley James?" I nod in response, subconsciously glancing back at the wall again before meeting her eyes. She laughs lightly.

My cell phone rings and I immediately pull it out of my purse, answering it quickly.

Lucas.

"Hales, hey, I thought you'd call when you landed. Did you make it alright?" He sounds more than a little worried and I feel awful for not calling.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Luke. It's just been a little crazy." Peyton's eyebrows raise slightly as she hears me say Lucas' name, but she doesn't say anything, simply turning back to her previous task.

"It's okay, I understand. I was just worried about you, you know?" I smile at his words, and for a moment I'm almost able to forget that we're thousands of miles apart. Almost.

"I know, Luke. I'm sorry I worried you…" I trail off, momentarily distracted by a rather large design that Peyton has started to draw on the beige wall.

I really don't think we're allowed to do that.

"I think I miss you already, Hales," he whispers shyly, and I close my eyes for a second fighting the tears I can feel forming as a result of his admission.

"I miss you, too," I respond a second later, the truth always being the easiest to say, especially to Luke, but it is equally heartbreaking.

Peyton's head shoots up at my words or perhaps the tone of my voice and her eyes meet mine. Her expression softens substantially and her eyes somehow seem much warmer than they had even just a minute before. She nods in silent understanding before getting up and walking into the bathroom, shutting the door softly behind her.

I glance around the now completely empty room awkwardly, feeling completely out of place and miles away from normal, before calling out to Peyton that I want to explore the campus a bit and would be back in a while. She mumbles a response that I can't quite hear from behind the door.

"So, how is California?" Luke questions, as I glance around the quad, pretty charmed by the look of it, by the students coming and going, just all of it. "Have any surfers flirted with you yet?" I can tell he's trying to lighten the mood, make this easier on both of us, but particularly me, because he's Lucas. I laugh in response, shaking my head.

"Luke, I've only been here for a few hours. So, no, no surfers yet." I'm just so happy to be talking to him right now, I realize. Happy to discover that maybe I'll actually be able to talk to him without bursting into tears or wanting to fly back to Tree Hill by the end of the call.

"Well, well, well," an ominous voice interrupts my surprisingly optimistic thoughts, "If it isn't Haley James… in California."

My face instantly pales, my mouth falls open, and my palms begin to sweat at the sound of the husky, but unwanted, voice and I nearly drop my cell phone in absolute shock.

"Haley, that isn't - Is that-" Lucas begins uncomfortably, stumbling over his words slightly, but I cut him off before he can finish the thought.

"I've got to go, okay, Luke? I'll call you tonight, I promise," I nearly plead; I can't risk Nathan saying something I definitely don't want Lucas hearing. I can tell that Lucas is hesitating, wondering if he should push this, but ultimately agrees and lets me off the hook, like always.

"Okay, call me. It was really nice to hear your voice. I love you, Hales," he says warmly, and in that moment, I do feel loved. In fact, I'm almost able to forget about the unexpected and unpleasant interruption altogether. The sound of someone clearing their throat tears me out of that peaceful place, though, and I shake my head in an attempt to clear my thoughts.

"I love you, too, Luke. Bye, buddy."

I snap my cell shut and reluctantly turn to meet the mesmerizing blue eyes of Nathan Scott. This just cannot be happening to me. It just – this will not work at all. Someone, anyone, please tell me this is some sort of cruel joke because surely this isn't really, honestly happening!

Nathan Scott in California? Apparently, attending the same college, too? There was just no way this could end well.

"Aw, c'mon, _Hales_. Aren't you happy to see me? I thought people always looked upon their first fondly. Never forgetting them and all that jazz," he taunts.

"I haven't forgotten you, Nathan," I reply, my voice dripping with disdain for him.

It's then that I notice that he's slowly moving in closer to me and I whip away from him before he can get within reaching distance.

"What in the hell are you doing here?" I snap, pushing him away roughly when he comes at me again.

"Here?" He motions to the area where we are currently standing, but when I narrow my eyes in irritation, he chuckles before continuing on, "Oh, you meant what I'm doing here in California. Well, going to college of course."

Well, isn't this just fucking peachy? Did I murder a priest in a former life or something, because, honestly? Honestly.

"I thought you were going to Duke -" I realize my slip, stopping mid-sentence, and so does he, because his blue eyes brighten in amusement at my words and a pleased smirk covers his full lips.

"Well, look who did some research on little ole' me," he remarks in a sugary sweet tone, touching a hand to his heart. I roll my eyes at his arrogance. I bet he thinks I'm some sort of groupie. Well think again, Nathan Scott! I'm no one's groupie whore.

Let's just forget that I slept with him at a drunken high school party not so long ago.

"Don't flatter yourself, Nathan. I was trying to prevent this -" I motion between the two of us, "from happening." My voice is surprisingly strong, even stronger than I'd expected. Good, Haley, I inwardly coach.

He just grins at me, though, seemingly more amused with me than ever before. I'm beginning to think everything I do and say amuses him. Lucky me.

"I was originally planning on going to Duke, but I got a better offer from UCLA. Apparently, whoever you asked wasn't informed," he replies, even going as far as to wink overdramatically. God.

"Obviously not," I bite out, getting more and more annoyed with him by the minute. When I notice that his eyes are now roaming unabashedly over my body, I finally snap.

"Stop doing that!" I shift uncomfortably under his gaze, tugging at the hem of my favorite baby tee in an attempt to make it even longer than it already is. He just smirks back at me, continuing his silent perusal. My face burns with anger and contempt. How Lucas, so kind and loving, could be genetically related to someone like Nathan is beyond me.

"Listen up, Nathan! The fact that you're going here doesn't change anything. Not a damn thing. I still have no desire to see or speak to you. So just stay the hell away from me!" I rage, pushing past him roughly.

Peyton approaches me hesitantly, having just walked out of a building nearby, clearly having heard my outburst, or more likely the tale end of it. I just shake my head, silently asking her not to question me or this right now, as I motion for her to follow me. I need to get away from Nathan Scott. I feel like my skin is crawling from being around him for even this long.

Once we're back inside the dorm, I can tell that she's itching to question me about Nathan, about the scene I caused, but is too polite to come right out and ask. I dread the moment when she finally will, because I have absolutely no idea how I would even begin to explain it. I don't even understand it myself.

"Hey, Haley," Peyton calls from inside the closet and I look up from where I'm unpacking my stuff to look at her, waiting for her to continue. "You want to go to a party with me and a friend? I'm not a huge party girl, but we she probably celebrate your arrival, yeah?"

I smile slightly at that but a frown quickly replaces it as flashbacks of my last party experience invade my mind at a rapid, overwhelming pace. It's probably not the best idea, to say the least. "I should probably just stay here and get… settled. I'm going to call Luke later, too, but you should go. Have fun."

She comes out of the closet wearing a pair of worn jeans and a cute leather jacket, her curls styled perfectly, even though I doubt she spent much time on any aspect of her appearance. She just has _it_. Must be nice, thinks the dork.

"Is this about that guy from earlier? Because I doubt he would even know about this party, Haley. Hell, I wouldn't even know about it if it wasn't for Brooke." She pushes into my shoulder jokingly, smiling at me in encouragement, and I can't fight the small smile that I send her way.

"It's not about him," I lie, "I'm just not really a 'party girl' type, you know? And when I am, things turn… well, it's just best I stay out of that scene, I think," I laugh smally, more than a little uncomfortable by the line of our conversation.

"You, Haley James, are quite the little mystery. No wonder that guy seemed so intrigued by you. It was all in his eyes," she winks, laughing when I blanch at her words. I don't need Nathan to be intrigued. Intrigued will get me nowhere with him, or you know, way too far into something. No, no, no. That is just one, big bucket of bad.

"Come on," she cajoles, "I swear it's rare that I do anything like this. You'll find that I'm more of the anti-social type. Give me a sketchbook and pencil and I'm good for days."

"I just…" I begin, trying to refute her request, but ultimately crumble under her gaze. Ever the people pleaser. "Okay, sure."

"Yeah?" Peyton nearly screeches, expressing more emotion than I've seen from her all day. I nod, smiling, as I attempt to push down the sick feeling bubbling up in me.

She doesn't seem to notice how uncomfortable and uneasy I am at all and even though I know it's silly of me to be saddened by that, I find that I am. I guess I'm just used to having a best friend know me inside and out, know how I tick and what exactly I'm thinking pretty much at all times. I'm used to having Lucas – I don't now.

"You're sad," Peyton remarks rather bluntly, and I blink up at her stunned. "It's kind of my thing, or so I've been told – reading people."

"Yeah?" I ask rhetorically. "I am," I admit glumly after a brief silence between us. "Lucas - who I was talking to earlier - is my best friend. Kind of the only real friend I've ever had. It's just hard letting go of that … of even contemplating what my life will be like without having him in it everyday in the same way that he was before I left Tree Hill." I glance at her for a second before lowering my eyes again. I feel my shoulders slump dejectedly.

"I had a Lucas," Peyton responds, her voice taking on a softer quality than it usually did. "Her name was Sarah – oh, she was a girl, obviously, which Lucas is not, right? So, different but… the same?" She chuckles lightly, and I laugh along with her, nodding.

"Different, but the same," I confirm with what I hope is an encouraging smile. For some reason, I get the sense that Peyton doesn't open up to very many people about her life or past. See, I've always had a way with reading people, too. Only it seemed people – save Lucas – were never able or willing to do the same with me.

"Anyway, I just meant that I do get it. We aren't all that close anymore - " she stops abruptly when she notices my face fall and tries to play it off, I'm sure for my sake. "I mean, we talk every so often. She's still… in my life, you know? I made new friends, though, Haley. It isn't such a bad thing, even if it may feel like it right now."

She shifts before me uncomfortably, and I can tell that she feels guilty for seemingly crushing the little bit of hope I still had over keeping Lucas in my life in all the ways that he has been. I open my mouth to let her off the hook but before I can, she's talking again.

"I was probably just a bitch about it, Haley. You and Lucas, you'll get it right, I'm sure of it," she nods emphatically, her blonde curls bouncing slightly as she does so. I simply nod, unable to find my voice and echo the sentiment aloud.

"Anyway, this shit is getting too deep, even for someone as dark and twisty as me, so we are going to that party, yes?" She quirks her head to the side in question and I nod again, allowing her to drag me up and off of the bed.

Please, God, let there be no Nathan Scott. This is all I ask of you.


End file.
